"You have one week left to live..."

No, this line wasn't told to me by my kidney doctor. (God forbid!) This was just a thought that entered my mind as I have a week left before I officially become a member of the working class.

I finally accepted the offer of one of the law firms within my area last Friday. We finalized the terms of my employment and I start work as a Junior Associate on May 7, Monday. For a starting lawyer, the pay is actually quite good; and it seems like the legal training I shall receive from the firm would be excellent. The partners of the firm all seemed pleasant and reasonable. In addition, they had this certain "lawyerly" aura within them - they looked confident but not arrogant. And they had presence - I felt they were the type whom everyone would listen to when they spoke. I, of course, would want to acquire this unique aura from them.

I'm very much excited because after 25 years of existence, I would finally be able to work and earn my own keep. At the same time, I am extremely nervous and scared at the thought of it. I've never really done much legal work in the past that I can't gauge if I'll be good at it or not. What if being a lawyer isn't natural for me? What if I don't meet the expectations of my bosses? Simply put, what if I suck at work and be put to shame?

One thing's for sure: I'd definitely give it my best. I just hope it would be enough. As of now, I'm just thinking of all the personal matters that I need to attend to before I get really busy with work. And I have one week left to do all of these. I have one week left to live.

My Daily Reflection

Taken from the daily bible reflection book Didache, this entry (April 23, Monday) is very much appropriate in my life right now. It's a lesson for me and for everyone else reading this.

It's Not About Me

Whenever I pray, I ask for what I need (like a good job).
Sometimes, I ask for what I want (like a new cell phone).
And God gives it.
When He doesn't answer my prayer the way I expected (like when my friend isn't healed), I persevere in praying until my faith flickers.
I even blame Him for every bad thing that happens (like a traffic jam!).
After the fierce storm, God's wisdom comes.
I realize I cannot twist God's arm to give me what I expected.
He knows what is best for me.
What I must do is to be constant in praying so I will understand His ways.
Then, I can freely accept His will in my life through good and bad times.
It's not about me.
It's about Him.
-RosAnn J.

OMG!

i swear, anything that interferes with my eating (or anything i do orally, for that matter) has absolutely got to stop! it's just not funny anymore. please, let's make this deal: i keep my end of the bargain and you keep yours. just please make them go away. i certainly want my oral life back.

Organize my life, quote unquote

Sometimes I just feel so lazy that I lose my sense of urgency over things. I like putting things off until the last minute. If something needs to be thought over, I honestly believe that the best way to think it through is to sleep on it. And it's not just a mere nap, it should be a full 8-hour sleep (sometimes rounds of 8-hour sleeps even). If something needs to be done, I'm not the type to carefully plan each detail. I don't go about making plans days before the event. I like doing it shotgun style. But heck, it works for me and I think I've mastered the art of cramming and multitasking. No one's ever really complained of the way I handle things.

But there are times when I realize that I've just put too many things aside. All those pending tasks, important decisions, family and house matters, etc. seem to have just piled up in an instant. That's the time when I acknowledge my limits. I sit down, grab a pen and a piece of paper, think of all the things that need to be done and "organize my life."

Can you predict a personality through a person's birthdate?

Your Birthdate: June 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Updates, updates

Don’t you just have up days and down days? And they’re not up or down because of something that happened during the day or something that’s about to happen. At times, you feel up or down just because. During an up day, you feel like nothing’s gonna stop you from having such a good day. You just can't wipe that smile off your face and you glide instead of walk, and everyone just notices you. During a down day, you just feel heavy and discontent. You’d rather keep to yourself and you start pondering about life and love and anything that currently sucks about your existence. So you don’t need a reason to feel up or down at a particular day. And when someone’s having a down day, don’t ask why; there may be no reason. Just lend a shoulder and some Kleenex, if needed.

***

My eldest sister recently gave birth last April 8 to a darling baby girl! She gave birth at night and I had the chance to visit them the following morning already. My new niece is soooo adorable! When we were there, she just kept on yawning and sleeping. She hardly cries, only when she wants to feed or when her diapers need to be changed. She’s the second niece among our immediate family and I am indeed being dethroned as the baby of the family. I have no worries about that since I am moving on to great heights towards being a more mature individual! (Haha!) (Just a fast fact: My sister gave birth during Easter Sunday, the Resurrection of Jesus Christ; and her family name right now is Resurreccion! It was, indeed, perfect timing to give birth.)

***

A few days ago, I was so happy to see once again my group of friends from law school. Being the forced recluse that I am, I was so happy to be out of the house and to just be with the company of my closest friends. It was for business actually; we needed to go to the Supreme Court – Office of the Bar Confidante to fix our papers before we have our oath taking. What a great disappointment it was when I found out I still couldn’t attend to my papers and it was all because of their Office’s fault! I submitted all the requirements needed but apparently, they forgot to process one of them. It manifested in their records that I lacked my law transcript of grades but when they checked my folder, it was just there! Now I still need to wait until next week for me to be able to fix my papers. It was a good thing that I was just really happy to see my friends that I didn’t blow my top (at least not that much) at the Office. After all, I think that for as long as I’ll be a lawyer, I’ll still deal with them. At least now they know they owe me one. A big one.

***

After going to the Supreme Court, I went around Makati alone to give out my resume to some law firms. Since parking is such a hassle within the area, I just walked from law firm to law firm. After all, most of them were just near each other. Or so I thought. I eventually just took a cab from office to office towards the end of the afternoon! Though tiring, it was actually exciting for me. This was the first time ever that I actively tried seeking employment. And though exhausting, it was rewarding as well – one of the firms actually called up already the following day and set me up for an interview! The law office that called is actually just a small firm and I’m not too keen on working there, but at least now I know perhaps I really have something to offer to the law firms.

***

What good is an update on my life if I don’t give out a health update, right? Well, I’ve been feeling pretty normal and strong the past few weeks. I honestly feel I can already go out and party all night long! (Hehe, but I won’t.) I haven’t had anything serious for months now. Currently, I just have these really annoying singaw (thrush) and acne! Argh, these singaw really hurt at times. And what’s worse is that they sometimes hinder me from doing one of my most favorite pastimes – eating! And about the acne, I’m not really vain or anything like that, but when they grow really big, not only are they a hideous sight but they can become painful as well. And I’m not just talking about pimples on the face, they’re even on my chest and back! (Okay, have I grossed you out enough already?) =)

***

Though I just stayed at home most of the day, I actually received two surprises yesterday. The first one was a telephone call from a really close college friend of mine who’s now based in the US. It was such a surprise because I haven’t heard from him for the longest time! It was actually great reminiscing our college days and how completely laidback we were. And it’s amazing that no matter how long it has been, the friendship and the bond are still there. Pare, we’re grown-ups now! Hehe. The second surprise was a package from my aunt and her family from the US. The small box was addressed to me and they already put an “Atty.” on my name! I’m definitely not used to such designation but it felt really good. Suddenly, what was inside the box didn’t really matter. I opened it and saw two long sleeved shirts and matching neckties which looked really nice and fit me well. I immediately called up my aunt and her family to thank them for their thoughtfulness.

***

Here’s to hoping for up days for everyone just because!

Halo

I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I'll give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a Halo

-Haley James Scott

I wish you never put me on a pedestal

Now, not only do I want to walk down from it,

I want to walk out from you.

The long wait is over!

I woke up early this morning and I still can't believe it... Everything that happened last night wasn't a dream. It was all real. The hundreds of congratulatory text messages (including that first one which confirmed the news); the endless phone calls from abroad, from Isabela and from Batangas; all the mobile phone calls made and received from colleagues and special old friends; and the warm, tight hugs from my family.

I think that this is, by far, my greatest achievement to date. My friends actually keep on telling me how proud they are of me: For hurdling the bar despite all my health issues. How I lost so much time for studying because of the hours I spent each week for dialysis. How I kept myself strong and positive and focused despite all the possible distractions brought about my kidney disease. My normal reaction was to brush aside all these compliments and I’d remark that we all had our different issues to deal with.

But looking back, tears start to well up my eyes (which does not happen very often). I remember all the hardships I went through. I even thought of not taking the bar yet to attend to my health. I remember dreading the days I had to go to the hospital for dialysis not only because of the pain but more so because of the fact that I’d lose so much study time. I remember my strict no-salt diet which really sucked big time. I’d have moments when I really wanted to give up but just didn’t show it because it was not expected of me. I am but human, after all.

Now, the long wait is over and I am truly grateful for all the blessings I have received. I think that this is, by far, my greatest achievement ever.

I didn't make it...

...to the Top Ten!

Bwahaha!

I'm ecstatic right now. I actually passed the bar! I'm in a whirlwind of emotions. I can't sleep yet coz the adrenaline just keeps on rushing all through out my body. But at the same time, my mind's not exactly thinking clearly right now.

I think I'll leave this post like this first and I'll just write another one when I'm in a sounder state of mind. But for now, I just wanted to share the news - I MADE IT!

This is it...

I have been soooo calm and collected the past two weeks considering that I found out that the bar results will be out soon. But now that it's finally D day when the results are to come out, I find myself panicking and extremely nervous. I keep on fidgeting; I can't contain myself and my mind is a total blaaah. I find myself staring into space until I realize that this is it. This is really it.

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