moratorium slash wake-up call

TODAY i stop "searching for life's meaning" and start living life and taking it as it is.

I desperately just want it to get back to the way it used to - simple, fun and full of contentment.

"Don't Think I Don't Think About It" Video

Since my first attempt of attaching a video of the song, didn't work, I am attaching another video clip, this time from youtube, with "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" as its background music. The animes are cute (and sexy) (and I'm grateful to whoever posted this clip on youtube), but I'm putting it here on my blog because of the great song. It's very real, very heartfelt and the melody is unique but at the same time very catchy - a mixture of country and rock.

Don't Think I Don't Think About It

Watch Video:

Don't Think I Don't Think About It (Darius Rucker)

Video Code provided by MusicRemedy.Com

Don't Think I Don't Think About It

Darius Rocker

I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust
Swore I wasn’t coming back, said I’d had enough
Saw you in the rear view standing fading from my life
But I wasn’t turning around, no not this time but

Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It
Don’t think I don’t have regrets
Don’t think it don’t get to me
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
Don’t think I don’t wonder ’bout
Could’ve been, should’a been all worked out
I know what I felt and I know what i said but
Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It

When we make choices we gotta live with them
Heard you found a real good man and you married him
I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind
Where would we be today if I never drove that car away

Don’t Think I Don’t Think about it

Don’t Think I Don’t
Don’t Think I Don’t

I don't know what's wrong with the video, but for the meantime, to hear this awesome song, click this.

"It's Divine Intermission!"

While browsing through some obscure pages of the net, i came across this and thought that it's divine intermission! Supposedly the second part of my (hilarious) earlier post, I still find it funny although a bit pilit at times. Let's continue to spread Pinoy sablay-isms!

A Love Story… (Part2)

I thought Jay’s ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. “Meet me at the clinic.” I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, “Penny for you talks.” But I didn’t know what to say. Beggars can’t be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, “Can’t got your tongue?” I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff’s ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn’t even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That’s what I’m talking about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That’s what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.

When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, “I beg your cordon. I’m patient. It’s my favorite virtue nga e.” Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, “Don’t touch me not!” Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, “Come on, let’s join us.”

When I went inside, parang I’ve been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird’s IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse’s mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.

Now, he’s recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it’s a better pill to swallow your fried so it’s forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.

"You can never can tell"

An extremely funny forwarded e-mail sent to me a long time ago. I was fixing the files and folders in my laptop and I chanced upon this. Enjoy!

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

In Memoriam

IN MEMORIAM

To the best INAY in the world
(1918-2008)

I remember I was still very young, perhaps around 5 or 6 and we attended my eldest sister’s graduation from high school. The whole family was there: us, five siblings; mom and dad; and Inay and Tatay. My sister graduated with honors and my parents were seated beside her. Thus, it was Inay and Tatay who were left with us kids. Being the youngest (and yeah, yeah, the spoiled one), I was the main concern of my parents and grandparents. During that time I felt like the graduation ceremony took forever. Being the brat that I am, I began complaining of how thirsty I was. And when I said complaining – I meant the whining and griping of the worst kid you’ve ever met or seen in this planet. Yup, perhaps that was me. But my grandparents were patient. Tatay just immediately stood up and searched for a water fountain (bottled water still wasn’t invented back then – at least not where my sister had her graduation). I was left with Inay and for some reason, she was able to temper my tantrums. In fact, I remember just being hugged and I immediately grew silent. I felt comforted and soothed. Inay’s warmth and love just immediately flowed and I felt calmed and reassured. Even my parents were amazed at how Inay was able to do it.

Despite being silent already, I remember Inay giving me whatever she had in her purse – it was some Astring-o-sol candy with green and white wrapper which I still recall vividly up to this very day. She gave it to me and hoped that it will help soothe my thirst. Normally, candies would make me thirsty, but this particular one relieved me. Perhaps it was a thirst for love and attention that I was seeking. And Inay was able to supply it overwhelmingly. She’d give whatever she had just to see other people happy.

Growing up, I never got to see much of Inay and Tatay anymore for they had moved to California already. We’d only see each other when they’d come and visit the Philippines or when our family would spend a vacation in the US when we were younger. But despite the distance, Inay was still very thoughtful. Every birthday, graduation, wedding and other momentous occasions (like when I passed the bar) and even in trials (like when I had my kidney transplant operation), she was there – present in body or spirit or through the US dollars she sends!

Inay is perhaps the closest person to me who has passed away. It’s only now that I realize how difficult it is. How emotional it can get. And cliché as it may sound, how you realize that life is short and you must do or say whatever you want before it’s too late.

I am grieving. I didn’t even have the opportunity to say good bye. And thank you. And I love you.

I know you understand because of the time and the distance, but, then again, we live only once.

Good bye, Inay and I’m really gonna miss you. Thank you for that Astring-o-sol candy and that warm hug. And I love you.

Macau Hangover (Part I)

For the life in me, I still can’t go back to work. The office-sponsored trip to Macau was definitely a welcome break for me – for all of us lawyers, actually, partners and associates alike. Three days in a foreign land with no work to think of was definitely what I needed to relax and unwind.

I feel like narrating the events which took place would entail too much thinking on my part. Thus, the best way to encapsulate my memories of Macau would be through the pictures I took of the different beautiful sceneries of the small island of China that’s full of surprises.

On our first day at Macau, we decided to walk around a bit and head towards the Ruins of St. Paul Church. There, we saw the mixture of the old and the new; of the Oriental and the Western. The contrast in the scenery was a splendid sight. It shows development and progress without destroying roots and history. Being a colony of Portugal for quite some time, Macau’s general atmosphere still has traces of Portuguese structure and architecture.

This is actually a favorite shot of mine (see below). It was a narrow alley that reminds me of European alleys which look exactly like this (without the Chinese characters, of course).

This is a signage along the alley which I just really had to take a picture of!

Just near these sights is the market similar to our Divisoria or Greenhills. It was there that we saw instantly the shades of Orientalism in Macau.

I just loooove this shot (see below)! Notice the narrow alley and the structures which are actually the residences of the Chinese vendors. I feel like Jackie Chan or Jet Li can shoot a film along this alley and create fight scenes involving the market stalls and their products, and the windows and terraces on the upper floors. (Plus the ropes which hang from one structure to another. I wonder if they’re used as clotheslines?)

Macau Hangover (Part II)

Lo and behold. The wondrous Ruins of St. Paul. Definitely a sight to see! A historical landmark of Macau.

There’s a flight of stairs at the back of the Ruins which brings you up to the level of the windows of the Church. The stairs and the surface on top, I think, are made of steel, but the important thing to note is that the surface ain’t concrete! Thus, you can see what’s directly beneath you and this definitely is scary for people like me who can’t handle heights very well! Good thing I managed to go up for a second, long enough to take a snapshot of the view from the top. This picture (see above) is the scenery from one of the windows of the St. Paul Church.

And this, my friends, is the sign on your way up the stairs I mentioned earlier. “Trespassers will be prosecuted.” – Haha! Well, not if you die first, right?

Macau is definitely the Las Vegas of Asia with all its bright lights and colorful signs. I honestly believe that this city never sleeps – early in the morning at around 3 or 4, there are still many people not only in the casinos but also along the streets. Furthermore, Macau is the place to be if you are into all kinds of vices. You can do all sorts of vices in just one night – gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex, cigarettes and what-have-you! (Guess which ones I did? Hehehe!) (On a side note, I suddenly appreciated the law here in the Philippines disallowing smokers to smoke inside public places. There, people can smoke just about anywhere – even in the tiniest enclosed and airconditioned restaurant.)

The Casino at the Wynn Hotel was where I won lots of moolah!

Macau Hangover (Part III)

I decided to take pictures of some of the construction sites in Macau. You can definitely see a lot of development going on in that small island. Beside big hotels are construction sites but they still don’t create an unsightly scenery. I give it around 5 years when all construction has been finished and it’ll even be better than Vegas.

Lastly, these are pictures of the Venetian. The Venetian is originally from Vegas and it is a casino, hotel and a mall (among others). In the words of a colleague of mine, “It is beauteous and splendor! It is brilliance and majesty! The view is breath-freshening and awesome!” Take note that these pictures were taken inside the Venetian. I looove how the sky is painted on the ceiling. There will definitely be no rainy days here.

I just had to point out that this is the food court of the Venetian (see picture directly above). By far the best food court I’ve seen in my entire life!

So that sums it up. I know I need to get back to work so hopefully I’d get my groove back pretty soon!

(My apologies for my lack of lay-outing skills. It is mainly because of my illiteracy in computer languages - I don't f*cking know how to move those goddamn pictures! hehe. At any rate, it's already amazing I came up with a post like this!)

The problem with a relatively light schedule at work...

is that you tend to procrastinate all those little things that you have to finish.

You tell yourself that days like these are rare in your profession and therefore, you should make the most out of days when you could actually procrastinate.

At the end of the day, you realize that you have accomplished close to nothing. And thus, the work piles up for the following day, and the next and the day after that. At the time when you're in the right mood for working, a completely unexpected turn of events occurs - a major task gets assigned to you and it needs to be finished today should've been finished yesterday. You're left with so little time to finish all those little things (and suddenly realize how time-consuming they can also be) and of course, this major task (which should have been finished yesterday).

That basically sums up my week. The major cases and corporate accounts have been relatively idle this week and I've been taking my sweet time finishing the regular legal opinions and queries from our retainers (regular clients).

Monday to Wednesday were extremely lazy days. Today (Thursday), I decided to start working on those opinions and in the middle of it all, at around 6pm (just when i was already excited to leave the office to meet friends for dinner), my big boss calls up and informs me of this major pleading that I have to finish. It'll be for review tomorrow (Friday) and will also be filed on the same day. I have to cram so many things tomorrow!!!

Note to self: Next time your schedule is pretty light (I wonder when will be the next time this happens!), try to get at least something done!

the sweltering heat

I think it all began two weeks ago during Holy Week. The sun just suddenly got blazing hot and staying outside felt like burning in hell. Okay, okay, that may be a bit exaggerated, especially for someone who was born and raised in a tropical country. But lately, it has become extremely hot and humid, such that it has become definitely unbearable to go out, especially at noontime when the scorching heat just sucks the life out of you.

And it doesn't help either that upon returning to the office or at home, the airconditioning is on full blast. The sudden change in temperature makes you feel dizzy albeit a bit comforting.

I was checking out the current weather in Manila at this site and it's so funny how they report the temperature:

Feels like 35 C, huh? Hahaha! How bout, "Feels like i'm burning in hell?"

I'm hoping for a bit more tolerable heat in Manila this summer!

wishing for longer long weekends...

why is it that long weekends always always have to be so bitin?!?

try as i may to plan out everything i have to do during the long holidays, i never seem to accomplish all of them. despite the list of tasks and the schedule i made, time just always seems to be a major issue.

i still don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

come to think of it, i never want to go back to reality.

St. Therese Prayer

MAY TODAY THERE BE PEACE WITHIN.

MAY YOU TRUST YOUR HIGHEST POWER THAT YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE.

MAY YOU NOT FORGET THE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES THAT ARE BORN OF FAITH.

MAY YOU USE THOSE GIFTS THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED, AND PASS ON THE LOVE THAT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU.

MAY YOU BE CONTENT KNOWING YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.

LET THIS PRESENCE SETTLE INTO YOUR BONES, AND ALLOW YOUR SOUL THE FREEDOM TO SING, DANCE, AND TO BASK IN THE SUN. IT IS THERE FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

I'm exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am desperately in need of peace of mind and heart. This serves as a reminder that I should not give up because I am where I am meant to be even if sometimes, it's hard to accept.

My name has a meaning?!?

I already took this test before and thought that this one's a bogus coz out of the numerous paragraphs this quiz gives you to describe your personality based on your name, some lines have got to match, right?

Well, I took it again and thought that this quiz wasn't so bad after all. In fact, it actually did brilliant job! It does describe many parts of me and I actually had fun contemplating which descriptions truly match my personality and which don't.

At this time when I feel somewhat lost, a good reflection of who I am and where I really want to always proves to be refreshing.

What (my name) Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people. Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems. Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Pause Button

I badly need a pause button for my life right now.

Not a Stop button – I definitely still want to continue with life.

Not a Fast Forward either – I want to cherish each and every moment there is.

Not a Rewind button – I never really was the type to live in the past.

And definitely not a Record button – I’m contented with the memories I carry with me in my head.

I sincerely wish for a pause button.

My life’s a mess and I need a temporary escape from reality.

I just need a break from life, in general. After that short pause, I guess I can resume life and go back to normal.

I need that pause button to give me time to reflect on the things I’ve been doing and the things I should be doing. I want to see the world from the outside – with everything and everyone paused for a moment without wasting one single second in my life.

With everything that’s going on – so many things to accomplish, so many people to please, so many places to see – I need that pause button to help me evaluate my priorities and the direction I want my life to take.

Life, just for a moment, please pause for me.

I'm at it again...

I’m at it again… I thought I have already recovered from my previous slump. But here I am – at an all-time high on my laziness and procrastination levels.

Once again, for some odd reason, I feel like something’s missing. I feel empty inside. And, like before, I still don’t know what I’m yearning for.

Have you ever felt like you’ve been living a life you never chose? Like you’ve been living a lie and you just suddenly want to drop everything you have right now and search for the things which are truly you?

It’s hard. Coz you’ll never really find what you’re searching for. And you’ll never really know if that thing you have now is what you’ve been looking for all along.

I’m not really looking for knowledge. I’m not looking for answers either.

I just want that safe and warm feeling where I can honestly tell myself that, “This is me and I’m happy.”

New Year's Resolutions Part I (Better Late Than Never)

I’m not really fond of New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, I don’t remember ever making list and I certainly don’t remember keeping any of them, if they ever do exist. But this is a year of plenty of changes for me, thus, I told myself I’d want to record these resolutions slash goals of mine and maybe evaluate at the end of this year if I’ve kept them or not. So here goes:

1.) (For the first time ever,) Enroll in a Gym. – Check! I actually did this during the last day of 2007. Perhaps my goal should be that I actually find time to go there to exercise. Before I was diagnosed with renal failure, I was very active in sports. Now that I’m better after my kidney transplant, my doctor has given the go signal to engage in sports, but due to lack of time to take up a sport, I have decided to enroll in a gym instead. So now, I’m on my way to Fitness (at Gold’s)!

2.) Work More. Cram Less. – Now this is an area which definitely needs improvement. I’ve been a crammer all my life and I must say that I’ve proven to myself that I’m good at it. But work now is much more serious than before. I get lazy and a client can lose billions or may go to jail. I just need enough fortitude to overcome the lazy bones in my body. Lord, give me strength! Hehe.

3.) Blog/Write More Often. – A perfect day for me would be to relax in a quiet and peaceful place where I can write about anything and everything. But, as usual, I don’t have the luxury of time to just laze around all day under the mango tree and type away on my laptop. This year, I’d want to try to blog/write more often. Perhaps give more time for it. Boy, what I give or do if only I could record all my thoughts while they are still in my head and I could just print them out and viola - an instant blog entry!

4.) Hear Daily Mass More Often. – I really miss the convenience of hearing daily mass when I was still in law school. More than missing the convenience, I miss the sense of completeness of the day whenever I go to mass. I didn’t really attend daily – only when my schedule permits. But I always felt safe during mass. I felt I can bare all without being judged. I felt I renewed, rejuvenated even. And now with my hectic schedule, I feel I need to attend daily mass more often. When my strength fails me already, I feel the need to turn to Someone stronger than I am.

5.) Manage My Finances. – This whole I’m-earning-my-keep-already is still somewhat new to me. The previous year, I’m proud to say that I was able to save a good amount of money; however, I didn’t really manage my finances properly. This year, I’d like to make my monthly budget and actually follow it. Oh, and entering into short-term and long-term investments would be nice as well.

6.) Read More. – I recently just got into this whole reading thing (which is weird coz I had to read a lot in law school which I never really liked doing. Until now, at least). From Murakami to Gaiman; Paolini to Coelho; and all those other authors whom I didn’t know existed before, I’d definitely want to explore more literature.

(to be continued)

Today I start working...

Today, I start working…

Today, I REALLY start working…

Today, I REALLY HAVE TO start working!!!

I guess I still have a hangover from the long holidays.

But it sure went by so fast – my brother and other relatives arriving from the US, Christmas festivities, my sister’s wedding, going home to the province and the New Year’s celebration.

I have to remind myself that it’s already back to reality – I have to become a productive member of the nation’s workforce once again. It’s just so hard – considering that since the week before the Christmas, I was going to the office but doing minimal work, i.e. the art of pretending to be busy (like right now!). I also went to the office a coupla days last week (the 26^th and the 27^th; I went on leave on the 28^th coz I got really tired from pretending to work!) but I just reported for work for compliance purposes. I went to work also yesterday, but still, nothing fruitful for that day. (Unless you’d categorize browsing through, for the first time, perezhilton.com and justjared.com - out of complete boredom and laziness, and upon the suggestion of a colleague – a mighty productive task.) It’s a good thing my bosses haven’t noticed my sluggishness, or if they already have, have not berated me for such.

So today, I have to shake myself and get myself back in the groove for working. I have so many pending tasks to accomplish… and they REALLY need to be finished…

…perhaps tomorrow!

For the meantime, blogging would have to count as one of my productive tasks for the day!

Another Me

Never mind the fact that the video's just purely scenes of Peyton in One Tree Hill. (I couldn't find any other video in YouTube that has this song in it) And never mind that the song is cut short in the end. When I heard this song, I immediately fell in love with it. Moreso when I got to read closely through the lyrics. Perhaps you can describe it as a sad song, but for me, it's a song that's full of hope for tomorrow's dreams.

(Complete lyrics being scrolled on the side of this blog. Another Me by Sister Hazel)

What i'm feeling and Where I want to be

Which answers what question... what do you think?

(Photos courtesy of www.annerpino.com)