wishing for longer long weekends...

why is it that long weekends always always have to be so bitin?!?

try as i may to plan out everything i have to do during the long holidays, i never seem to accomplish all of them. despite the list of tasks and the schedule i made, time just always seems to be a major issue.

i still don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

come to think of it, i never want to go back to reality.

St. Therese Prayer

MAY TODAY THERE BE PEACE WITHIN.

MAY YOU TRUST YOUR HIGHEST POWER THAT YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE.

MAY YOU NOT FORGET THE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES THAT ARE BORN OF FAITH.

MAY YOU USE THOSE GIFTS THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED, AND PASS ON THE LOVE THAT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU.

MAY YOU BE CONTENT KNOWING YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.

LET THIS PRESENCE SETTLE INTO YOUR BONES, AND ALLOW YOUR SOUL THE FREEDOM TO SING, DANCE, AND TO BASK IN THE SUN. IT IS THERE FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

I'm exhausted - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am desperately in need of peace of mind and heart. This serves as a reminder that I should not give up because I am where I am meant to be even if sometimes, it's hard to accept.

My name has a meaning?!?

I already took this test before and thought that this one's a bogus coz out of the numerous paragraphs this quiz gives you to describe your personality based on your name, some lines have got to match, right?

Well, I took it again and thought that this quiz wasn't so bad after all. In fact, it actually did brilliant job! It does describe many parts of me and I actually had fun contemplating which descriptions truly match my personality and which don't.

At this time when I feel somewhat lost, a good reflection of who I am and where I really want to always proves to be refreshing.

What (my name) Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people. Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems. Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Pause Button

I badly need a pause button for my life right now.

Not a Stop button – I definitely still want to continue with life.

Not a Fast Forward either – I want to cherish each and every moment there is.

Not a Rewind button – I never really was the type to live in the past.

And definitely not a Record button – I’m contented with the memories I carry with me in my head.

I sincerely wish for a pause button.

My life’s a mess and I need a temporary escape from reality.

I just need a break from life, in general. After that short pause, I guess I can resume life and go back to normal.

I need that pause button to give me time to reflect on the things I’ve been doing and the things I should be doing. I want to see the world from the outside – with everything and everyone paused for a moment without wasting one single second in my life.

With everything that’s going on – so many things to accomplish, so many people to please, so many places to see – I need that pause button to help me evaluate my priorities and the direction I want my life to take.

Life, just for a moment, please pause for me.

I'm at it again...

I’m at it again… I thought I have already recovered from my previous slump. But here I am – at an all-time high on my laziness and procrastination levels.

Once again, for some odd reason, I feel like something’s missing. I feel empty inside. And, like before, I still don’t know what I’m yearning for.

Have you ever felt like you’ve been living a life you never chose? Like you’ve been living a lie and you just suddenly want to drop everything you have right now and search for the things which are truly you?

It’s hard. Coz you’ll never really find what you’re searching for. And you’ll never really know if that thing you have now is what you’ve been looking for all along.

I’m not really looking for knowledge. I’m not looking for answers either.

I just want that safe and warm feeling where I can honestly tell myself that, “This is me and I’m happy.”

New Year's Resolutions Part I (Better Late Than Never)

I’m not really fond of New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, I don’t remember ever making list and I certainly don’t remember keeping any of them, if they ever do exist. But this is a year of plenty of changes for me, thus, I told myself I’d want to record these resolutions slash goals of mine and maybe evaluate at the end of this year if I’ve kept them or not. So here goes:

1.) (For the first time ever,) Enroll in a Gym. – Check! I actually did this during the last day of 2007. Perhaps my goal should be that I actually find time to go there to exercise. Before I was diagnosed with renal failure, I was very active in sports. Now that I’m better after my kidney transplant, my doctor has given the go signal to engage in sports, but due to lack of time to take up a sport, I have decided to enroll in a gym instead. So now, I’m on my way to Fitness (at Gold’s)!

2.) Work More. Cram Less. – Now this is an area which definitely needs improvement. I’ve been a crammer all my life and I must say that I’ve proven to myself that I’m good at it. But work now is much more serious than before. I get lazy and a client can lose billions or may go to jail. I just need enough fortitude to overcome the lazy bones in my body. Lord, give me strength! Hehe.

3.) Blog/Write More Often. – A perfect day for me would be to relax in a quiet and peaceful place where I can write about anything and everything. But, as usual, I don’t have the luxury of time to just laze around all day under the mango tree and type away on my laptop. This year, I’d want to try to blog/write more often. Perhaps give more time for it. Boy, what I give or do if only I could record all my thoughts while they are still in my head and I could just print them out and viola - an instant blog entry!

4.) Hear Daily Mass More Often. – I really miss the convenience of hearing daily mass when I was still in law school. More than missing the convenience, I miss the sense of completeness of the day whenever I go to mass. I didn’t really attend daily – only when my schedule permits. But I always felt safe during mass. I felt I can bare all without being judged. I felt I renewed, rejuvenated even. And now with my hectic schedule, I feel I need to attend daily mass more often. When my strength fails me already, I feel the need to turn to Someone stronger than I am.

5.) Manage My Finances. – This whole I’m-earning-my-keep-already is still somewhat new to me. The previous year, I’m proud to say that I was able to save a good amount of money; however, I didn’t really manage my finances properly. This year, I’d like to make my monthly budget and actually follow it. Oh, and entering into short-term and long-term investments would be nice as well.

6.) Read More. – I recently just got into this whole reading thing (which is weird coz I had to read a lot in law school which I never really liked doing. Until now, at least). From Murakami to Gaiman; Paolini to Coelho; and all those other authors whom I didn’t know existed before, I’d definitely want to explore more literature.

(to be continued)

Today I start working...

Today, I start working…

Today, I REALLY start working…

Today, I REALLY HAVE TO start working!!!

I guess I still have a hangover from the long holidays.

But it sure went by so fast – my brother and other relatives arriving from the US, Christmas festivities, my sister’s wedding, going home to the province and the New Year’s celebration.

I have to remind myself that it’s already back to reality – I have to become a productive member of the nation’s workforce once again. It’s just so hard – considering that since the week before the Christmas, I was going to the office but doing minimal work, i.e. the art of pretending to be busy (like right now!). I also went to the office a coupla days last week (the 26^th and the 27^th; I went on leave on the 28^th coz I got really tired from pretending to work!) but I just reported for work for compliance purposes. I went to work also yesterday, but still, nothing fruitful for that day. (Unless you’d categorize browsing through, for the first time, perezhilton.com and justjared.com - out of complete boredom and laziness, and upon the suggestion of a colleague – a mighty productive task.) It’s a good thing my bosses haven’t noticed my sluggishness, or if they already have, have not berated me for such.

So today, I have to shake myself and get myself back in the groove for working. I have so many pending tasks to accomplish… and they REALLY need to be finished…

…perhaps tomorrow!

For the meantime, blogging would have to count as one of my productive tasks for the day!

Another Me

Never mind the fact that the video's just purely scenes of Peyton in One Tree Hill. (I couldn't find any other video in YouTube that has this song in it) And never mind that the song is cut short in the end. When I heard this song, I immediately fell in love with it. Moreso when I got to read closely through the lyrics. Perhaps you can describe it as a sad song, but for me, it's a song that's full of hope for tomorrow's dreams.

(Complete lyrics being scrolled on the side of this blog. Another Me by Sister Hazel)

What i'm feeling and Where I want to be

Which answers what question... what do you think?

(Photos courtesy of www.annerpino.com)

Just like that...

another long weekend flew by once again...just like that.

it's not a matter of time wasted but the lack thereof.

now if only i can make more of it.

i understand...

Sometimes, I, too, dream of flying away to a place unknown. Where the more important thing is not what is unknown to me but that I am unknown to them.

I dream of disappearing into thin air and realizing I'm no longer in this world I've been accustomed to but rather, one yet to be explored and discovered.

I dream of starting anew and not looking back. Of moving forward and not staying put. Of fresh beginnings and acceptances and not continued pain and rejection.

I dream of these things until I realize that I still need pixie dust to fly away and a magic word to disappear into thin air.

Now if only I could think of other possible ways...

Yesterday's low

Last night while I was still in the office, I suddenly felt my whole body ache. Thus, I decided to go home and rest early. Yesterday's low was waking up at midnight feeling the scorching heat of my body and finding out that I had high fever. For me, it's one of the worst feelings ever, especially in my case, being a transplant patient.

The fever eventually subsided towards the morning and though I still felt a bit weak, I attended an important meeting in the office. One of the partners in the office who is a cancer survivor told me I was crazy for still attending the meeting. I should have just stayed at home to rest. I told him that it was something I couldn't leave behind since there were deadlines to be met. He replied that, "When it comes to your health, nothing is ever indispensable."

The meeting finished early and I headed straight home after to rest. I'm now at home just lying down in bed trying to regain my strength. I still have a slight fever and if I still don't feel well tomorrow, I think I'll just stay home again to rest. No, I SHOULD stay home to rest.

Today's High

I was in court this morning for a direct examination I was to conduct on a witness when suddenly one of the partners of the firm called me up through my mobile phone. Apparently, he also had a hearing with the same schedule as mine and he won’t be able to make it coz he was sick. Thus, he asked me to appear for him before the court and ask for a last postponement.

Now, this would normally be an easy task. However, this is one of the cases that has dragged on for years already and was initiated way back in the 90’s. Still, it was an order which I had to follow.

When the case was called, I entered my appearance and respectfully prayed for a last postponement for the hearing of the case. Naturally, the opposing counsel vehemently objected. I pleaded, of course, that my boss’ absence was not done with malice or for delay. And I tried to charm my way.

The lady judge eventually agreed to postpone and reset the case to another date. Success! I was happy enough as it is.

Then she commented, “Off the record, huli na yan ha. Ang gwapo gwapo mong abogado, sayang hindi kita makikita na mag-cross examine ng witness.”

Though I knew it was said in jest, it put a smile on my face.

And I retorted, “Your Honor, later. You’ll see me …”

The judge abruptly interrupted me saying “Sige na, next time na lang” and continued with the final order of the hearing, but I was supposed to finish my sentence with “…in action.”

What color crayon are you?

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

The Life is Good Series

This is mainly the reason why I found the long weekend bitin. I’ve been longing to write blog entries over the past few months now but time has always been an issue for me. Thus, I put blogging under my list of priorities during the successive holidays last week. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish it, thus, some sort of disappointment in myself.

But here I am now. I have so much work to do for the day but I just feel the urge to finish these entries. (Not to mention that I feel extremely lazy today!) So enjoy! And let the blogging begin!

Life is Good: The Intro

The tagline of my new “safe haven” is correct – Life IS good.

Here I am, sitting alone on my favorite spot sipping my newly-discovered drink which I fell in love with instantaneously. There are only a few people, which is good. And the servers are perfect. I used to like them extra friendly, but lately, I’ve been longing for my own personal space. Thus, knowing my drink is enough – no need for small chit chat, or knowing what I do or even knowing my name. There’s simply not enough time anymore.

Life indeed has been good to me – so many opportunities and learning experiences, continued good health, blessings in the form of friends and family, and the list just goes on.

Life is Good: Korea

The past month has been all about work for me. I’ve been spending time even during weekends to catch up with the workload I was supposed to do during the workweek (which sucks big time). I guess the luckiest break I’ve had so far was my first ever business trip: I was sent to Korea to assist a client in the negotiation and the signing of an Agreement with some Korean partners. It was a “break” in every sense of the word. It was a big break for me – an opportunity not every associate in a law firm gets to experience. It was also the break I needed from too much monotony and stress I had with work. But at the same time, it broke each and every bone in my body because I had so much to do to prepare for my trip and I had little time to accomplish them. And lastly, it sorta broke my heart, my ego and every bit of confidence I had in me, at least this was the case before the trip. I was scared, mortified even. I absolutely felt I was not ready for opportunities this big. I was the lone lawyer to go to Korea with the client who was heavily relying on me to negotiate and come up with a fair and favorable deal.

On a whole, I think my trip generally went well. We were able to finalize our negotiations and sign the Agreement on schedule. Every time I was asked some Philippine law which I wasn’t sure of, I followed my boss’ advice to just act authoritatively for they don’t know our laws! I was able to create networks in the area and I was able to gain the trust and confidence of the client I was with. My boss acknowledged the hard work I put in all of this and gave a simple reward for it.

The entire business trip was all about, well, business. No time at all for leisure and sightseeing. The only places in Seoul I saw were the offices of our Korean partners and some bars near them. And it was definitely damn tiring. When I got back, I practically slept for two whole days to catch up on sleep. Hopefully, when I go back to Korea, it won’t be all about business anymore but perhaps with a bit of pleasure on the side.

Life is Good: The Corp Guy

The main reason why I’ve been having so much workload is because I’ve officially been declared as the “corp guy” of our law firm. It has been pronounced by my fellow associates and the partners of our firm, even by my big boss (also known as the “corp partner”) who has openly declared that I will be under his wing for my training in handling corporation and taxation law cases. And I’m actually loathing every minute of it!

Don’t get me wrong, ok? I am willing and competent (enough, I think,) to take on the challenge. But the thing is, the set up I’m in right now with the firm kinda makes it difficult for me to be the new corp guy. You see, I’m the only corp associate. (One went on study leave and the other one resigned, both just a few months ago) There’s no one else handling the big corporate accounts. Whereas in other departments, there would be a senior associate who would be able to guide the junior associate, in my case, I have no one to go to except for my big boss-corp partner! And it’s not as if I have so much knowledge already on the workings of corporate cases. In fact, I still have so much to learn. I can’t easily approach my big boss for questions without researching on my own first, and this makes me rather slow in accomplishing my work tasks.

I should actually be happy I’ve been given this opportunity. It’s fast-tracking my training in the firm. I just hope I get to finish my training already before I get too burned out from all the work I’m being given.

Life is Good: Happy Anniversary, Kidney 3!

Time really passes by so quickly. Last October 23, 2007 was the first anniversary of my kidney transplant operation! I can’t believe it’s been a year already. And to think that after my operation, I was scared of the possibility that my recuperation period might take up to a year. But here I am, a practicing lawyer living a fast-paced lifestyle with no hints of a previous major operation, save for a scar below my stomach just above my right thigh.

I haven’t been too complacent though. I’m regularly taking my medicines – I need them to survive. I’m more careful now with my diet and I no longer have any vices. I’m thankful to the Lord for this “new life” I have been given. My lab results have been stable at normal levels for some months now. The other procedures (chest x-ray, ECG, ultrasound, etc.) are A-OK as well. I’m praying that this continues for the rest of my life!

Happy Anniversary, Kidney 3! I’m glad you came into my life (and my body)!

Life is Good: Friends

Despite my hectic schedule, I’ve been trying my best to keep in touch with my really close friends. In the middle of one busy workweek, I went out for dinner with my really close law school friends. I really made time for that because I told myself I just got to go out and get away from it all. I try my best to keep in touch with my good friends abroad. With the internet and the possible ways of communication, there’s just no excuse anymore for losing contact. My college friends are always a part of my schedule as well. I truly believe that our group will be a constant already in my life. And there are those individuals who have truly made a mark in my life whom I am thankful for. Time nor distance hinders true friendship.

I told an acquaintance of mine once that friends are worth more than anything in this world, and is definitely worth more than work. It’s better to lose work than to lose a friend. Work can easily be replaced but friends can never be substituted. I still stand by my belief. That’s the main reason why I try my best to communicate with them occasionally. I no longer go out to meet friends in order to socialize, I go out with them to reaffirm and strengthen bonds.