What i'm feeling and Where I want to be

Which answers what question... what do you think?

(Photos courtesy of www.annerpino.com)

Just like that...

another long weekend flew by once again...just like that.

it's not a matter of time wasted but the lack thereof.

now if only i can make more of it.

i understand...

Sometimes, I, too, dream of flying away to a place unknown. Where the more important thing is not what is unknown to me but that I am unknown to them.

I dream of disappearing into thin air and realizing I'm no longer in this world I've been accustomed to but rather, one yet to be explored and discovered.

I dream of starting anew and not looking back. Of moving forward and not staying put. Of fresh beginnings and acceptances and not continued pain and rejection.

I dream of these things until I realize that I still need pixie dust to fly away and a magic word to disappear into thin air.

Now if only I could think of other possible ways...

Yesterday's low

Last night while I was still in the office, I suddenly felt my whole body ache. Thus, I decided to go home and rest early. Yesterday's low was waking up at midnight feeling the scorching heat of my body and finding out that I had high fever. For me, it's one of the worst feelings ever, especially in my case, being a transplant patient.

The fever eventually subsided towards the morning and though I still felt a bit weak, I attended an important meeting in the office. One of the partners in the office who is a cancer survivor told me I was crazy for still attending the meeting. I should have just stayed at home to rest. I told him that it was something I couldn't leave behind since there were deadlines to be met. He replied that, "When it comes to your health, nothing is ever indispensable."

The meeting finished early and I headed straight home after to rest. I'm now at home just lying down in bed trying to regain my strength. I still have a slight fever and if I still don't feel well tomorrow, I think I'll just stay home again to rest. No, I SHOULD stay home to rest.

Today's High

I was in court this morning for a direct examination I was to conduct on a witness when suddenly one of the partners of the firm called me up through my mobile phone. Apparently, he also had a hearing with the same schedule as mine and he won’t be able to make it coz he was sick. Thus, he asked me to appear for him before the court and ask for a last postponement.

Now, this would normally be an easy task. However, this is one of the cases that has dragged on for years already and was initiated way back in the 90’s. Still, it was an order which I had to follow.

When the case was called, I entered my appearance and respectfully prayed for a last postponement for the hearing of the case. Naturally, the opposing counsel vehemently objected. I pleaded, of course, that my boss’ absence was not done with malice or for delay. And I tried to charm my way.

The lady judge eventually agreed to postpone and reset the case to another date. Success! I was happy enough as it is.

Then she commented, “Off the record, huli na yan ha. Ang gwapo gwapo mong abogado, sayang hindi kita makikita na mag-cross examine ng witness.”

Though I knew it was said in jest, it put a smile on my face.

And I retorted, “Your Honor, later. You’ll see me …”

The judge abruptly interrupted me saying “Sige na, next time na lang” and continued with the final order of the hearing, but I was supposed to finish my sentence with “…in action.”

What color crayon are you?

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

The Life is Good Series

This is mainly the reason why I found the long weekend bitin. I’ve been longing to write blog entries over the past few months now but time has always been an issue for me. Thus, I put blogging under my list of priorities during the successive holidays last week. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish it, thus, some sort of disappointment in myself.

But here I am now. I have so much work to do for the day but I just feel the urge to finish these entries. (Not to mention that I feel extremely lazy today!) So enjoy! And let the blogging begin!

Life is Good: The Intro

The tagline of my new “safe haven” is correct – Life IS good.

Here I am, sitting alone on my favorite spot sipping my newly-discovered drink which I fell in love with instantaneously. There are only a few people, which is good. And the servers are perfect. I used to like them extra friendly, but lately, I’ve been longing for my own personal space. Thus, knowing my drink is enough – no need for small chit chat, or knowing what I do or even knowing my name. There’s simply not enough time anymore.

Life indeed has been good to me – so many opportunities and learning experiences, continued good health, blessings in the form of friends and family, and the list just goes on.

Life is Good: Korea

The past month has been all about work for me. I’ve been spending time even during weekends to catch up with the workload I was supposed to do during the workweek (which sucks big time). I guess the luckiest break I’ve had so far was my first ever business trip: I was sent to Korea to assist a client in the negotiation and the signing of an Agreement with some Korean partners. It was a “break” in every sense of the word. It was a big break for me – an opportunity not every associate in a law firm gets to experience. It was also the break I needed from too much monotony and stress I had with work. But at the same time, it broke each and every bone in my body because I had so much to do to prepare for my trip and I had little time to accomplish them. And lastly, it sorta broke my heart, my ego and every bit of confidence I had in me, at least this was the case before the trip. I was scared, mortified even. I absolutely felt I was not ready for opportunities this big. I was the lone lawyer to go to Korea with the client who was heavily relying on me to negotiate and come up with a fair and favorable deal.

On a whole, I think my trip generally went well. We were able to finalize our negotiations and sign the Agreement on schedule. Every time I was asked some Philippine law which I wasn’t sure of, I followed my boss’ advice to just act authoritatively for they don’t know our laws! I was able to create networks in the area and I was able to gain the trust and confidence of the client I was with. My boss acknowledged the hard work I put in all of this and gave a simple reward for it.

The entire business trip was all about, well, business. No time at all for leisure and sightseeing. The only places in Seoul I saw were the offices of our Korean partners and some bars near them. And it was definitely damn tiring. When I got back, I practically slept for two whole days to catch up on sleep. Hopefully, when I go back to Korea, it won’t be all about business anymore but perhaps with a bit of pleasure on the side.

Life is Good: The Corp Guy

The main reason why I’ve been having so much workload is because I’ve officially been declared as the “corp guy” of our law firm. It has been pronounced by my fellow associates and the partners of our firm, even by my big boss (also known as the “corp partner”) who has openly declared that I will be under his wing for my training in handling corporation and taxation law cases. And I’m actually loathing every minute of it!

Don’t get me wrong, ok? I am willing and competent (enough, I think,) to take on the challenge. But the thing is, the set up I’m in right now with the firm kinda makes it difficult for me to be the new corp guy. You see, I’m the only corp associate. (One went on study leave and the other one resigned, both just a few months ago) There’s no one else handling the big corporate accounts. Whereas in other departments, there would be a senior associate who would be able to guide the junior associate, in my case, I have no one to go to except for my big boss-corp partner! And it’s not as if I have so much knowledge already on the workings of corporate cases. In fact, I still have so much to learn. I can’t easily approach my big boss for questions without researching on my own first, and this makes me rather slow in accomplishing my work tasks.

I should actually be happy I’ve been given this opportunity. It’s fast-tracking my training in the firm. I just hope I get to finish my training already before I get too burned out from all the work I’m being given.

Life is Good: Happy Anniversary, Kidney 3!

Time really passes by so quickly. Last October 23, 2007 was the first anniversary of my kidney transplant operation! I can’t believe it’s been a year already. And to think that after my operation, I was scared of the possibility that my recuperation period might take up to a year. But here I am, a practicing lawyer living a fast-paced lifestyle with no hints of a previous major operation, save for a scar below my stomach just above my right thigh.

I haven’t been too complacent though. I’m regularly taking my medicines – I need them to survive. I’m more careful now with my diet and I no longer have any vices. I’m thankful to the Lord for this “new life” I have been given. My lab results have been stable at normal levels for some months now. The other procedures (chest x-ray, ECG, ultrasound, etc.) are A-OK as well. I’m praying that this continues for the rest of my life!

Happy Anniversary, Kidney 3! I’m glad you came into my life (and my body)!

Life is Good: Friends

Despite my hectic schedule, I’ve been trying my best to keep in touch with my really close friends. In the middle of one busy workweek, I went out for dinner with my really close law school friends. I really made time for that because I told myself I just got to go out and get away from it all. I try my best to keep in touch with my good friends abroad. With the internet and the possible ways of communication, there’s just no excuse anymore for losing contact. My college friends are always a part of my schedule as well. I truly believe that our group will be a constant already in my life. And there are those individuals who have truly made a mark in my life whom I am thankful for. Time nor distance hinders true friendship.

I told an acquaintance of mine once that friends are worth more than anything in this world, and is definitely worth more than work. It’s better to lose work than to lose a friend. Work can easily be replaced but friends can never be substituted. I still stand by my belief. That’s the main reason why I try my best to communicate with them occasionally. I no longer go out to meet friends in order to socialize, I go out with them to reaffirm and strengthen bonds.

Life is Good: Family

I am so getting older. Though the youngest among five children in my family, that’s what I feel whenever I am with them. My brother and sister and their respective families went to stay at our home (“with the parents”) during the holidays. They brought with them my baby nieces who went on trick or treating last Halloween in their cute fairy costumes. I remember my own trick or treating days with my childhood friends and how those days just seemed to pass by.

And the topics of conversation! I was used to being the comic relief during serious conversations, whether it be about current events or major family decisions. Lately, it seems like my opinions actually matter already.

I sincerely love my family. And it’s not something I say out loud often. It may not be perfect but it’s definitely something I would never ever replace.

Life is Good: The Conclusion

A friend of mine once told me that people’s problems and issues can be bunched up into two categories: 1.) time issues, and 2.) money issues. I thought about it and it’s so true.

I don’t have much time to do everything I want to do in life. I wish I can actually create more time. And financial concerns will always be there. Maybe not now, but there will always be monetary concerns for the future like “Am I saving up enough?” or “Should I switch jobs even though the salary is lower?”

But despite whatever issues, concerns or problems, I still believe that life IS good. Count your blessings. And face your challenges. Life is always worth living.

Just around the corner

On my drive home, I noticed that the radio stations have started their ensemble of Christmas songs. While I have heard a couple or so of these songs since the "ber" months started, it was only now that there was suddenly a barrage of them. As I thought about this, the DJ pointed out that there are only 49 days left 'til Christmas! It sorta uplifts your spirit knowing that the season of merry-making and gift-giving is just around the corner. To top it all off, the Skyway has already put up its parade of lanterns on its lampposts. Normally, I find them ordinary, if not just a waste of electricity. But for some reason, tonight, these twinkling and glittering lights put a smile on my face. Maybe it's the amalgamation of all these Christmassy experiences of mine. Christmas is, indeed, just around the corner! Finally, something to look forward to.

bitin

It's the Monday after the long weekend. With (supposedly) just a day and a half of work last week, it's definitely hard to drag my ass back to the office today knowing that there are deadlines to be met, clients to be pacified and partners to please.

I tried my damn best to carefully plan out my long weekend (in my own words, "I organized my life"). I carefully listed down everything I needed to do and have been wanting to do but just never had the time for it. Then, I made my own schedule and promised to myself I'd follow it down to the last detail.

I'd like to think I set my priorities well -- I set time for really good friends whom I haven't seen in ages, I made time for my family and spent precious time while on the dinner table, I gave time for myself - a luxury which I haven't had much of the past few months. (Did you notice work was not among my priorities? hehe)

I did get to follow my schedule. Sort of...

It's just that I still have so many other things I want to accomplish. The long weekend ended with dissatisfaction on my part. I still had things on my to-do list which were left not crossed out. The long weekend was definitely bitin.

I'm keeping my to-do list and I'm making it a constant reminder that I have to make time for the more important things in life.

...

kismet giveth,
and kismet taketh away...
(at least not completely).
still,
it's kismet.

You're right, it's Kismet

Your Guardian Angel
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace

And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know Ill find deep inside me, I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
Ill be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Its ok, Its ok, Its ok

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cause you're my
You're my
My true love
My whole heart
Please don't throw that away

Cause I'm here, for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay...

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know Ill be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

beauty

"You don't love someone because they're beautiful. People are lovely because you love them and not the other way around."

Larger than I...

call me weak,
call me foolish.
but i
am simply not ready
for things
larger than i...